Another favorite story from the old blog.

I have read a lot of funny stories about pregnant ladies and the phenomenon called "Mommy-Brain". Below is one such example of "mommy-brain" that happened to yours truly. Enjoy!

(As told just a day or so after the incident.)
To set up, I did not sleep well the night before. Actually I have not been sleeping "well" for about 3 months. I fell asleep at 1a, and woke at 6a. Since I was up early I ate early. I had lunch around 11am and I was scheduled to be in the salon for an eight hour shift. Luckily this was my last week in the salon before my leave. I finished with my last client around 430p and needed to stop at Raley's for dinner before going home.

By this time I was really out of it. I was sleepy, hungry and had an eight hour day on my feet. My grocery trip was not going to take that long, but I took my time and chose not to rush. So far so good, I had already picked up milk, a watermelon and some other nutritious stuff. I had a hankering for mashed potatoes and chicken and if you have not tried the pre-made mashed potatoes in the fridge aisle you should. They are fabulous. The aisle that they were in was getting a cleanup so not to be in the way I parked my cart off to the side, waddled up to the case and got my creamy pre-made mashed potatoes and put it in my cart. The next item on my list was the rotisserie chicken, but I could not remember where I would find them.

I started my slow journey no doubt with a far away and vacant expression on my face and was well into the search when I noticed a middle aged lady with two school aged girls eying me. I was a little confused by the scrutiny but at that moment I casually glanced down at my cart to survey my load and I noticed with a start that I had the wrong cart. I had been pushing a cart full of boxed hard liquor that was being moved off the shelf to be cleaned! I had managed to place my mashed potatoes in the right cart but with zombie like deftness select another cart to finish my grocery trip with. No wonder that lady was looking at me! Here I am, visibly 9 months pregnant and I have a cart loaded with premium hard liquor, and nothing else!! Without any further action I abandoned the wrong cart where I stood and walked all the way back to where I had originally parked my cart to get my mashed potatoes. It was still there, thank goodness. I felt so stupid, and I am not one to get embarrassed easily, but I was at that moment.

So, as secure as I thought I was that I was not going to be like the thousands of other pregnant women out there I felt like one of the masses.

Oh well, it makes for a good story.

One of my favorite stories from my old blog.

 
There are some things that I am okay with. The usual stuff that would give most people the heebie-jeebies, i.e. bugs, spiders, dirty diapers, even snakes. I can handle most of these creepy crawlys without much hesitation. Basically, Im not one to turn into a hysterical mess at the sight of one of God's creatures, unless it falls from the sky and tries to eat my face.

Here's the story. Its early Monday morning and I had just got out of the shower and was heading to "my" bathroom in the master bedroom to blow out my hair and put my face on. Derek was still sleeping so I quietly closed the bathroom door and grabbed my makeup bag when all of a freaking sudden (eww, my skin is starting to crawl) falling just inches from my face was a 5 pound bug. At least that's what it sounded like as it hit the porcelain sink and started to skatter about to gain its bearing and obviously lundge for my face.

Because it I barely saw this thing clearly as it fell in front of my eyes I had to look at it (just for a second) to truly take in the gruesomness of it all. This THING was the stuff of nightmares, no joke. If you are familiar with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and the part where Indiana finds the secret tunnel that is infested with the most horifying and monstrous bugs you know what kind of panic I was suddenly thrust in. I became the picture of hysteria. Cool, calm, collected me was now heart racing, jittering and freaked out me.

I jumped out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind me all the while squealing with disgust and horror. Poor Derek woke with a start, "WHAT'S GOING ON!! WHAT'S HAPPENING!!"

"ITS A BUG, [huff huff], YOU HAVE TO KILL IT!!"

"WHAT?!?"

"A PREHISTORIC BUG!! IT TRIED TO EAT MY FACE. KILL IT!!!"

You get the idea. He grabs one of my shoes and slowly opens the door. At this point I think the animal has crawled out of the sink and was lying wait on the other side, ready to jump at me.

"HONEY, NO DONT OPEN THE DOOR. ITS GOING TO GET US!"

He shoos me off and cautiously opens the door.

"Oh, your right. Get me one of my shoes."

Lucky for us this creature was still in the sink, but Derek couldnt get the right angle to crush the life out of it. So I grab him the Raid and he spays away. Right before the monster twitches its last twitch, I took this picture of it. This shot should be pretty close to life size. It was about an inch and a half long and about an inch across, leg to nasty leg. If you are sqweamish...well it's too late. Sorry about that.

Stinky Bunny

 

The next technological break through Im sure will be something along the lines of scratch and sniff for your PC or Mac. Imagine you just finished baking up an incredible batch of a newly developed cookie recipe of who's aroma would make a grown man cry in delight and you want to share it with all you know. All you need to do a place a specially developed air filter around the plate of cookies and micro particles are picked up and coded and then emitted out of your computer and viola, Blogs with life-like smells.
My current entry would too, have a life-like smell. The smell of my baby's stuffed bunny after several days of being perma-damp from being sucked on at naps and through out the night. Im not sure why I find this phenomenon so amusing, but I do. It must be a parent thing. I do regularly wash all her stuffed bunnies in hot water, detergent and white vinegar so they dont be come bio-hazards, but they will still start to stinking within a short couple of days. Oh the discoveries of parenting a toddler. (I wouldnt trade it for anything.)

This is not vanity.

 
I am compelled to add a more current pic of myself as my profile picture is of nearly 3 years or more ago. I am not vain, just invested in looking my best. I can also blame this on my profession as I am paid to make people look their best and Id like to think Im pretty adept at that too. Additionally I love taking photos so therefore I am behind the lens not in front of it. I will need to get something new soon as my hair does not look as cool as it does in this shot and has not for a couple of months. Im falling off my own bandwagon. What kind of hairstylist am I? Oh wait, Im a mommy too. ^_^

Lucky Lady

 
I look at this picture and I think, "man, Im a lucky woman".
(Actually, I dont think the word woman because frankly I dont feel like a woman. A woman is someone older than me with, oddly enough, a much more zaftig body than mine. I am a cross between a young woman and a lady. There needs to be another word for females like me and Im sure Im not alone when I express how unfitting the term "woman" is for the likes of me. I digress.)

I am blessed, an awesome husband and a one in a million baby girl. I do not want for anything.

 
Where do I begin. Im in love with a 50 foot baby.