Getting back into the swing of blogs.

I would like to believe that my situation is not unique, mainly that I may search out those with similar experiences to cash in some advice. So please, read and render what knowledge you have for my cause. I need you.

For Christmas this year, which was a nice, homey affair I had suggested to my Mother in law (M.I.L) that she in behalf of her and my Father in law (F.I.L) get Derek and I a pre-framed print of the Sacramento Temple. In the Deseret Book catalog there was a beautiful black and white print of the various temples and the Sac temple was one available. She agreed, no problems and that was the extent of our conversation.

Christmas day arrived and I was anticipating the print, but not surprised when she said that she did not order it because I never provided her with the information as I was knee deep in Christmas prep myself. She said that she would simply pay for it when Derek and I purchased it ourselves. No problem. But wait...the problem is right around the corner.

Just yesterday, so what, a full 3 or so days after Christmas, my M.I.L. calls and asks to speak to me about something. She asks if I ordered the print, which, honestly no I had not and preceded to explain to me that my F.I.L. does not want to apply money to the purchase and does not want to get that for Derek and I for Christmas.

Okay, I understand that gifts are gifts. The best gifts are those thought through without encouragement from the receiver and ones that are meaningful and will hold the memory of the giver for all time. The next best gifts, and this generally applies to Christmas gifts are those that the receiver specifically asks for and the giver gives. Ultimately it is the givers choice as to what they will give to the receiver. However, this is not what my F.I.L. is exercising. He is taking the opportunity to make a statement.

Confused? Simply put, he is displaying his embittered feelings about his son converting to become a Latter Day Saint and his granddaughter being forced into the same choice of religion by refusing to apply his cash to a symbol of our gospel centered life. (I am curious to see what my in-laws settle on.)

This is no longer about giving and receiving gifts. My F.I.L. is passive/aggressively (my least favorite form of offensive maneuvering) reminding me that I will not have any of his help when it comes to drawing the distinction that my beloved husband, jewel of a daughter and myself live a life that he is opposed to. What confuses me more than anything is his timing and choice of soap-box standing regarding this deep fissure that has been from the beginning of mine and Derek's marriage. (Derek was baptized a day after he proposed marriage to me.)

I am left reeling. What else is this man capable of? Will he feel justified undermining the moral education that Derek and I choose for our children because he does not believe what we believe? Or am I taking things to the extreme with that line of thinking? Will he begin refusing to watch our children if Derek and I need a date night to take advantage of a temple session? He has already, a form of teasing for him, said that when Adalyn is old enough he is going to tell her all about what I used to be like, prior to my "change" as he puts it. In a very heated confrontation between he and I he made it clear that he does not believe I changed for the better with regards to becoming active again with the church and gospel. It is my unique burden that my in-laws knew me before my re-activity with church and know me now as a fully active participant and so being my burden I need to deal with it. But for reals, don't put my mama tiger skills to the test because I will maim with decisiveness if I feel my children are threatened on any ground.

Lastly, to make this a bit more complicated, my in-laws are genuinely in love with my daughter and the same applies to any additional children Derek and I have. They are fantastic grandparents on every other point. They have a marriage that has stood the test of time and they do want what is best (in their minds) for my children. Secondly I do not have a standard set of parents to offer my kids as grandparents, so they (my in-laws) are it. I just wish my in-laws would afford Derek and I the same parental respect that their own parents gave them when they were in the time of their lives of raising kids. I do not want to have to watch my parenting back with them. I want to believe that they respect Derek and I as parents more than they understand our choice of lifestyle. I do not even need them to believe what we believe, but just have enough love and faith in us as current parents to support us in what we choose for our children. That would be the best Christmas gift I could ever hope to receive. I hope someday to receive it.